It starts with a artful message in your inbox. It will be so artful you won’t even see it till you see it. And you’ll wonder how it got there. The thing with an ex is that they’re artful; or hesitant—either of the two. But, either ways, they’re trying to find their way back—into your phone messages and then, slowly into your life.
It’s not something you’ll see coming from a mile away. And more often than not, it happens when you’re peaking in life. You’ve got a great job, looking like a million bucks and well, you either have enough attention from your desired romantic prospects, or you’re with someone new and it’s all going great. You’re smiling again and you’re genuinely happy.
That’s when it happens. BOOM! It hits you like a door that was supposed to swing outwards but, changed its mind this one time And with that one whom across your face, you’re left seeing stars for hours to come. That’s what it’s like when an ex tries to find their way back to you when you least—or don’t—expect it, at all! And for a majority of the while, you’re left trying to get your vision back again from all the blurriness it caused you. But, what do you do after? How do you deal with this?
You see, there’s a reason why they’re your ex. Sometimes, you may not be able to put a finger on it but, there’s a reason why they’re no longer in your life. And while it took you the longest time to get habituated to that fact, now, that you are, you start to see reason. And so, you understand why this absolutely stumps you completely.
I’ll give you another example.
An ex is like gum stuck to your shoe. It’s annoying and sometimes, it just won’t get off, no matter what; some of the disgusting stickiness remains long after it’s removed. It can be exhausting, at the very least. It brings back memories—good and bad—that you long forgot and locked away for better, or for worse. And how do you deal with it given that you’re seeing someone else? How does it affect them? Or do you leave out this part conveniently? Will you succeed? Wouldn’t it always be there somewhere, at the back of your head, while you’re with them?
In your current situation in your life, understand this. You are doing well. You are in a good place; better than where you were when you were with them; it doesn’t matter if it felt right back then. The reason you are here today is because you were meant to be exactly where you are, with whom you are. The second you start doubting that is the second you start backtracking. You backtrack from all that you’ve been through; from how far you’ve come and all that you’ve overcame. You backtrack from who and what you were and who and what you can be. You backtrack from all the effort and hard work, all the hope and the belief. More importantly, you backtrack from the person who helped you see all that you are worth and all that you could be. You backtrack from potential and you slide back to the grey area of cluelessness.
Your ex represents a period in your life—it could have been good; it could have been tumultuous and it could be somewhere in between. But, over and above all this, your ex also represents the things you overcame and promised yourself never to fall helpless to. Just thinking about them makes you feel a certain surreal way. There’s a lot of ‘what if’ and ‘could have’. And, more often than not, it’s so easy to get caught up in the falsehood of those what-ifs and could-haves that we don’t see the illusion that it really is. We don’t see that it’s not even a mirror that’s reflecting anything back to us. All it is is a ruse. We fail to see it because our vision and our minds are marred by the memories of the past; although these, too have been tarnished and manipulated. Our mind has a way of working like that.
It becomes our comfort to remember the difficulties, the improbabilities and the fact that walking away from that person was the best thing that happened in that phase of our lives. Because, at the end of the day, it pays to remember that if we were supposed to be with that person, we would be with them. Then, timing, situations and mistakes don’t matter because there is no such thing as coincidence. Everything happens for a reason. Just like there’s a reason why that person is your ex, there’s a reason that your ex is attempting to get back into your life and it’s not because its meant to be; but, to remind you that what you have is good, and what you walked away from was exactly what you needed to happen in your life.
But, being able to distinguish between past memories and current predicaments and then, being able to hold ground is immensely tough a decision to make.